A light, airy, effervescent, blog of grave consequence. (NOT!) Dedicated to those of us who must respond to negative stimuli by Chernobyling (entombing in concrete) our innermost thoughts.

Location: Slaughter, Louisiana, United States

A semi-gruntled corporate reliability engineer trying to make ends meet while keeping my wife happy, and myself out of the asylum.

Monday, January 31, 2005

I wonder...

Hillary Clinton passed out in front of an audience she was speaking to today. The media is reporting that is was caused by a stomach virus. I wonder if the comedy shows will make as big a deal over this virus as they did when GHW Bush was sick at that dinner in China?

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Run Kinky, Run!

Kinky Friedman, late of "Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys" is going to announce on the February 3 edition of Imus in the Morning that he is running for the governorship of Texas.

More information here.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

What's funny?

I've been wondering when somebody, ANYbody would start making jokes about the Tsunami victims. Well, last week on a hip-hop station in New York, a morning show recorded and repeatedly played a parody of "We are the World", called, ostensibly, "So Now You're Screwed."

I only heard a small snippet and it was crappy. And actually not very funny regardless of the subject. But, it tweaked enough noses out of joint that the DJ's have been suspended indefinitely.

I bet If Michael Moore had recorded it it might have gotten a Golden Globe nomination after being played on CBS news as backing material for the latest fake but true news story.


And, No. I'm not talking about golf.

PEOPLE. I need to get somewhere when I'm out driving. I'd like to do that before I die of either boredom or old age. The roads are good. MOVE!

If there is snow on the roads and you can't get your sorry butt to press the loud pedal to go more than 28 MPH in a 45, STAY HOME! You're a menace!

And don't start with the you may be able to go but you won't be able to stop BS. That's why you look further ahead in bad weather, to plan ahead for stopping if necessary. And why must you park your sorry self in the center of a two lane road and drive there so no one has a chance to go around you? The white dashed lines are still there whether you can see them or not, numbnuts.

And stop flashing me the brights when I pass you while I'm doing less than the posted limit. When there are 972 cars lined up behind you, all weaving around like the restart of a NASCAR race, you're going too damned slow! MOVE IT!

Kill the bastard already.

So, a judge, cozy and insulated in his Manhattan courtroom has upheld the stay of execution for confessed serial killer Michael Ross. As someone who was 13 when Ross was caught within ten miles of my parents' house, I can only hope that the infinitely wise judge's family is safer wherever the hell they are than we were back then. There's a legitimate claim to be made that capital punishment does not deter crime. Of course it doesn't when some frigging lawyers and judges care more about the mental state of a confessed multiple murderer who has stated that he wants to waive his appeals and finally die than they do about final justice and closure for the victims' families. For anything to be an effective deterrent, you have to exercise it.

One appeal and you're dead is how it should be. (And no I really don't care that we might have innocent people on death row. You have to break a few eggs to make an omelette.)

It's too bad the cop that caught this monster twenty years ago didn't have his sidearm fire accidently during a scuffle.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Where have you been?

A map showing all of the states I've passed through.

create your own personalized map of the USA

Snow, Finally.

This winter had gotten off to a pretty lame start. This weekend fixed it a bit. We've got about 12-14" of ultra-light, powdery snow so far and it looks like we'll end up with 15" or so by the time it stops later this morning. The dog was in a hurry to go out this morning, so I let her before I followed to shovel a spot. She took one step, realized the snow was deeper than she is tall, and went back in. Smart dog. It's currently 10F here. That's our low for today so far, it's been as high as 13.6F since midnight and that is the warmest it's been since Thursday. Here are a couple pictures I just snapped:

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Cell phones

On our recent trip to Texas I noticed something. Everyone, everywhere has a cellular phone and uses it constantly and loudly. It's as if there is a contest to see whici idiot can drown out all the other idiots. My personal favorites are the people who have little cutesie ear pieces and walk down the aisle looking for all the world like a schizophrenic mumbling to himself.

I learned a lot about several of the clients of a salesman who, judging by the accent, was from Philadelphia and who also had a bad experienc with the contractor he was swearing at who screwed something up when he installed a set of stairs at his house. (For Christ's sake, do it yourself, buddy.) A lawyer seated behind us seemed competent in his preparation of a witness for trial the next day, but he was pretty insulting to his wife when she called. Recently the feds have been debating allowing cell phones to be used DURING flights. I think I'll stop flying if that happens. The last thing I need is four hours of subway-style din when I'm trying to sleep.

I've gotten rid of all of our phones save one. My wife carries it for emergencies like if the car breaks down or one of the kids has an accident, but the damned things have become utterly useless to me.

However did anyone born before 1985 survive childhood without being constantly connected to the wireless web? I remember when you actually had to keep your shirt tucked in at school and there were no calculators allowed in class, never-freakin' mind portable electronic communication devices.

Maybe I can blame Columbine and the hysteria surrounding a bunch of Ritalin-addled teenagers who finally snapped once the speed fried their brains. Or maybe the phones used on the four doomed flights of 9/11 are the cause of this excessive need for contact.

I also seem to remember that women used to complain that their boyfriends were too controlling when they kept asking where they were. Now these same women won't turn their phones off for fear of being out of reach?

I'm 33 years old and I'm actually waxing nostalgic for the "Good-'Ol-Days". This can't be an overly positive sign.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

It's official

W was re-inaugurated today. I tell ya what, I'm sick of hearing people say we should forego the innauguration pomp and circumstance because we're at war. Humbug.

Can you imagine what these whiners would be spending if JFK2 had been elected (God forbid)? Ann Coulter has a good column on the subject today, Here.

The word 'Lavish' is only used to describe parties you're not invited to. Suck it up and can it libs. The next four years are ours.

Sunday, January 16, 2005


Well, fellow Connecticutters, Bend Over, Here It Comes Again.

Thanks to the valliant efforts of some of our neighbors who suffer from an utter lack of economic understanding, we all are about to be hit with, wait for it, "Locality Taxes".

As if the current property, sales, and income tax burdens weren't enough, now the state house is considering legalizing the ability of individual towns to impose their own taxes on gas, income, whatever to make up for the state's shortfall.

Thanks to these misguided, ignorant, NIMBY, morons who are driving every ounce of industrial tax base out of this state through over-taxation, and ludicrous union-supportive labor laws, we all get to waste more of our paycheck to support their part of this state's infrastructure.

How can anyone in this state be FOR raising taxes? We already carry one of, if not the highest tax burdens in the US. And what do we get for it? The roads are mediocre, the schools are a joke run by the students, there are no tourist areas of note, and no significant entertainment venues. Hey, but at least the UConn basketball teams are #1, right? (Ohhhh, Yeeaaahh.)

The only way I can see anybody who lives here actually being OK with a tax increase is if their primary residence is not actually in this state and they have a loophole to fall through to keep their OWN taxes low.

Many thanks to everybody who has voted against industrial improvement projects or local enterprise zone improvement starting with the State AG right down through 'Save Our Town' and 'Stop the Track'. I hope you're all independently wealthy because within the next ten years, there will be no jobs that generate revenue left in the great state of Mashantucket.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Snap, Crackle, Pop.

As I walked down the driveway after retrieving our mail today, I noticed a large puddle that had frozen since the temps around here fell off a cliff last night. All of the water under the ice had sublimed away and the only thing left was a perfectly opaque, white sheet supported only by the dirt around its edge.

I shattered it slowly with my shoe as I remembered committing the same act in many different places at many different times in my life. It took me back to my parents' driveway at age 5 (before the new asphalt when the old, broken surface created myriad chances to become a giant destroying an arctic lake), All Hallows School's playground (It was totally paved then. I wonder if kids are still allowed to play on it or has it since become actuarially unsafe?), St. Bernard High's parking lot (with the 300 foot stripe left by somebody in a small-block powered '73 Gremlin), and the streets of UConn which I walked everyday for five years (I never once took the bus).

I guess I never thought I'd want to thank a puddle for helping me remember some of what has made me, me.

Boy, Busy New Year so far...

Well, work has been jumping since the New Year. Monster project going on and sucking up all of everybody's time. I suppose it's still fun. Oh well, we'll 'Git-er-done.'

Found out something interesting about our Durango last week. Four wheel drive is a marketing gimmick if the vehicle is not equipped with a Limited Slip Differential in at least the rear end. I had to attempt to pull one of our cars up our driveway on some ice last week and after I got everything hooked up, I put the D in 4-Low and we all just sat there. The two passenger wheels were spinning and we were going nowhere. So, I've found a fix from Richmond Gear. It's called a Powertrax differential insert. It does not require replacing the entire differential carrier, only the spider-gear internals, so the installation should be pretty easy. I'm hoping to have one of those in the truck within the next month. Assuming I don't end up at work 32 hour a day for the next 8 weeks.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Uhhmmm, No.

Kids may Boomerang back to the nest? I think not. If this is a newsworthy problem, today's parents are too generous with their kids. For Christ's sake, let them get their self esteem hurt once in a while. It will be good for them!

Monday, January 10, 2005

Where's Bill Clinton when you need him?

Puerto Rican man hand rolls 62 foot long cigar.

Story here.

Fred does it again.

Just a quick quote this week. Entire column here.

"Conservatives are puzzled by Conservationists. A dolphin, an elephant, a panda he calculates in terms of cans of dog food at thirty-seven cents per, and, for an additional three cents a can to cover legal contingencies, he would pack his grandmother. He sincerely has no faint idea why anyone might object. "

Works for me! (At least the panda, elephant and dolphin.) (I wonder if Lucchese makes dolphin skinned boots?)

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Go Babs, Go.

Barbara Boxer has objected to the certification of Ohio's electoral votes. Way to go. I suppose Michael Moore will include this bit of grandstanding in his next work of fabulism.

Just keep throwing grist in the mill that the republicans can use against you in four years you out-of-touch fruitcakes.

UPDATE: Maxine Waters dedicated this effort TO Michael Moore in a speech in Congress. Can't make this stuff up folks.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Here's one I just thought up.

I heard the news on the way home today that the worldwide charity-web is (and has been) collecting funds at a startling rate in the wake of the ultimate Asian 'Surf's Up, Dude!'. The numbers are amazing. Millions of dollars per hour are pouring into the coffers of just about every charity even remotely connected with any sort of disaster relief.

Now a few observations:

First, Western Civilization is the most caring and generous society on earth. Deal with it and shut up you whining U.N. schmucks.

Second, Boy, the economy must really be terrible like the democrats insisted during the election if there is this much free money floating around that millions of people can donate millions of dollars to help millions of others they've never met.

Finally, I've also heard that charities today are very efficient at collecting and generating funds. From information services to web-donations to teaching donors that money is the best option, the charities have greatly improved their infrastructures recently.

Can anyone guess why the improvements were made?

Maybe because the donations collected in the wake of 9/11 were so thoroughly unusable that the agencies were forced to rethink their ideas of mass tragedy and what would be the most appropriate modes of giving.

Millions of pints of blood collected in the wake of 9/11 went to waste because they flooded the national supply. Tons of food and other articles found no use in the aftermath and the charities were stuck with the stuff. They were forced to realize, as we all should have, that the world had changed and business as usual was no longer acceptable.

The scale of 9/11 brought into crystal focus the fact that our prior definition of disaster was meager at best. Nineteen moslem whack-jobs thinking "outside the box" created more devastation on American soil than anyone or any agency was prepared to deal with.

From that, lessons were learned, changes were made, and today, we see the results: A very efficient operation that will provide significant and lasting relief to the devastated areas of Aisa.

Once again, American blood has brought about great improvements in the lives of people who mean little if anything to the United States as a whole.

You're Welcome.

Down with Public Education!

Another great column from Fred Reed.

Read it here.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Oh well, thus endeth the vacation

So it's back to work tomorrow. Yipp. Eeeee.

My enthusiasm knows no bounds.